


How often do you drink?

by Crapstiel



Category: Deadpool (Comics), Spider-Man (Comicverse)
Genre: AU, Enemies to Lovers, First Kiss, Fluff, M/M, Peter can't handle his alcohol, Spideypool - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-08
Updated: 2018-09-08
Packaged: 2019-07-08 09:42:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,788
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15927830
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Crapstiel/pseuds/Crapstiel
Summary: We’re co workers who hate each other but you had too much to drink at the staff Christmas party and admitted your love for me, I don’t know how to act around you now (because I’m not sure you remember)?





	How often do you drink?

“C, I told you, Christmas parties are not my thing, they’re too corporate, I’ m not about to go and enjoy one.” I yell at Colossus, or ‘C’ as I call him. I’m scrambling around the house trying to find the perfect ugly Christmas sweater, I don’t intend on enjoying this party but I’d rather drop dead than not be festive.  
“Wade, are you coming? We’re going to be late.” C answers back, unfazed by all my running. I quickly shove on my shoes and grab a hat,  
“I’m here, we can leave.” I say finally stopping, I have my pug sweater on, it’s my favorite.  
“Wonderful, I’ll finally get to meet all your coworkers.” C responds.  
“As my roommate, I’ve never quite figured out why you are so interested in my work life.” I say as we walk out of the door.  
“Wade, you hardly ever speak about your work and it takes up a good 7 hours of you day, I have to wonder what causes all of your foul moods, and I don’t believe its me.” C stops and stares at me, waiting for a response.  
“Ah, like you could ever annoy me, C. No, it’s a coworker, Peter fuckin’ Parker. He thinks he’s all high and mighty, probably way over qualified for the job, anyway. He’s just always messing with me, and I’m not allowed to curse on the job, I already have too many citations.” I might have given him a longer answer than he would’ve liked, whoops.  
“Do you want to go back? I didn’t realize I might be forcing you into an uncomfortable situation.” C makes a grimace and points back towards the apartment.  
“Nope, not necessary I’m a big boy, I can handle it.” I grin impishly at him.  
“You locked the keys in the house, didn’t you?” C smiles, relieved.  
“Yeah, I’ll figure it out later, let’s go.” I start speed walking to the parking lot.  
“Wade!” He yells, running to catch up.

——

At the office it’s packed, people have brought their significant others and friends (to an office Christmas party? I guess I’m guilty, too). It’s a small section of the large unit we work in, I work in PR, Parker works in sales (our main unit), a desk away from me.  
C levitates towards the little ‘PR’ sign hanging from the ceiling, pointing at desks and asking if they’re mine. “Yours?”  
“No.”  
“This one?”  
“Also no.”  
“How about that one?”  
“Closer, that’s Parker’s desk.” I respond, scowling.  
“Oh! So this must be yours.” He says, pointing to my messy, festive desk.  
“Wade, do you ever clean? This is a mess, you should really think about using you time to clean up this, what is this, duct tape stuck to the bottom of your desk?” C is now the one scowling, slowly picking away at my Hello Kitty tape stuck to my desk.  
“Hey, don’t defile my masterpiece-in-the-making!” I say, slapping away his hand.  
“Well I tried. Introduce me to your coworkers?”  
“Ah, fine. But be ready, I’m pretty sure they’ll think you’re my… buddy.” I stare at him, raising my eyebrows up and down seductively.  
“So be it, Wade.” He looks down and smiles at me.

——

“No, Carol, He’s not my boyfriend, I promise.” I say for about the sixtieth time.  
“Wade is very dashing, Ms. Finnegan, but I have romantic engagements of my own.” C responds, patting her lightly on the shoulder and smiling. “Would you like to go get a drink, Wade?” He smiles and starts heading towards the food table. I smile weakly at Carol and quickly follow after him. 

While getting my office’s poor excuse for punch the one and only Peter Parker walks up behind me, plopping 4 different 6 packs of beer on the table.  
“Woah, Parker, since when were you an alcoholic?” I say crudely.  
“Fuck off Wade.” He says throwing me the evil eye.  
“Well in that case, Douchebag, meet my friend Colossus.” C turns around when he hears his name.  
“Is this Peter?” He says.  
“That’d be me.” Parker responds, putting out his hand, I think he looks a little intimidated.  
“Pleasure to meet you.” C smiles back, quickly grabbing a beer and retreating back into the ‘Party.’ Parker glances at me, rolls his eyes then hands me a beer.  
“Might as well get drunk, I know how much you hate these things.” Parker smiles and hands me a bottle opener.  
“Thanks Parker…” I open my bottle and take a swig. “Ugh, this is awful, where’d you get it?” He gives me a deadpan look and the middle finger then walks away. 

I walk around and socialize for a bit occasionally running back into Parker (who seems to be more and more intoxicated every time I see him).  
Eventually I make my way to Parker for the fourth time, he’s obviously much more drunk, now only slightly swaying on the dance floor. I do the nice thing and slowly shepherd him off of the “dance floor” and into a conference room.  
“Wade?” Parker says groggily.  
“Yes, Parker? Want some water?” I try to sound as matronly as I can, somehow it feels wrong to be rude when he’s this fucked up.  
“Water… that sounds nice.” Parker sounds wiped, it shows too, the only lights in this room are multicolored Christmas lights, but it’s more than out in the main room.  
I’m back with his water and he looks asleep, he’s laying on the ground under the table in the middle of the room.  
“Aww Parker, you’re totally fucked up, how will you EVER recover?” I sigh, then smile, “Me, your manservant here to do anything and everything.” Now I’m squatting by him, trying to nudge the water into his hand.  
“I… thanks Wade. You were always my favorite.” He’s smiling, giddy, Parker is hammered.  
“I was always your… what now? Favorite?” I laugh, “Impossible, you always talk about how much you hate me.”  
“Have you never heard that shitty misogynistic excuse for the little boys beating up on the little girls?” now he’s staring me straight in the eyes, totally serious. “It’S BeCaUse tHey LIkE YoU.” He says in a wobbly, dorky voice.  
“Parker, are you trying to tell me you like me?” I’m dumbfounded, could he be telling the truth?  
“Wade, I’ve liked you since September of last year, you were cute and funny and…” he starts laughing hysterically, “and I couldn’t process it! Maybe I even love you!” Now he was laughing like some kind of maniac. “Might be a stretch though…” he adds, mumbling.  
“Okie dokie, Parker, let’s get you home.” I get C to haul him out to our car and then look up his address in our company manual. 

When we drop him off at his apartment we have to find his key in his pockets and then drag him in, it’s messy and small, but it seems like somewhere he’d live. (I even watched him clean his desk for the sole purpose of it looking good for this party, it’s usually very messy).

When C and I get home I flee to my room, I need to think over what happened. C tries to make conversation but I brush it off, I’m too preoccupied. 

——

The next day I return to my desk like normal, Parker is sitting at his desk minding his own business, (his desk is already messy again). 

“Heya, Parker. How ya doing today?” I look over at him, and when we make eye contact I wink at him.  
“Wait, What? What? What the fuck was that?” Parker responds, he looks perplexed.  
“You… wait, do you remember?” I say.  
“Remember what? Did I do something?” His expression changed to worry.  
“No! Sorry, no… you’re good.” I grimace and look back at my computer.  
“Thanks I guess, asshole.” He groans and goes back to work.

Can he really not remember? He spilled his guts to me, damn.

“Wait, I’m sorry, you REALLY don’t remember?” I can’t keep it in, how could he just forget?  
“Remember what, fuckwit? Are you on something?” He’s angry, he actually doesn’t remember.  
“Wowie, how come you’re allowed to be profane?” I’m kinda… sad?  
“I don’t raise my voice when I curse, Wade. So naturally, I don’t get penalized for it.” He scoffs.  
“Well you’re saying it loud enough for me to hear it, so shut up, Peter.” Reina from sales yells from behind us, half of the office snickers.  
“You’re in a foul mood today, is it a hangover?” I whisper to him.  
“Yes, I can’t remember how, but I got hammered yesterday.” He says, rolling his eyes.  
“Oh, weird.” Disappointing. 

——

After we get out of work I run after Parker in the parking lot, I look like a crazy person, I’m trying to catch up with Parker even though he’s slowly speeding up, and not responding to my yelling. 

“Parker! Jesus, please slow the. Fuck. Down.” I’m pretty sure I’m getting really weird looks from my various coworkers.  
“Fuck off Wade!” He glances behind him and starts sprinting to his car.  
“Dude! I just need to talk to you!” I’m panting now.  
He arrives at his car and swivels to face me, “What do you need?” He seems really annoyed, maybe now isn’t the best time to tell him I know he has a really big crush on me.  
“You talked to me last night at the party…” I wait, maybe he’ll connect the dots.  
“And?” He asks.  
“And you aren’t very secretive when you’re drunk.” His face turns white. “No! Don’t worry, it’s nothing too embarrassing, I promise.” He looks at me as if he knows I’m lying, (maybe he does).  
“Bullshit. I know I said something awful, didn’t I?” He looks on the verge of tears.  
“Nothing rude or condescending, actually.” I sigh and make eye contact, “You just told me you love me.” He looks like he just discovered a dead body. He looks at me, then at the ground, then at his car.  
“Wade, I’m sorry, really. I know you don’t like me or anything, I just suck ass at communicating my feelings and I… fuck.” He looks down at his shoes awaiting a response.  
“You have to look at me when I say this, please?” I say, hoping to sound more comforting.  
He looks up at me, making intense eye contact, he’s worried, very worried. I put my hand on his shoulder slowly, he relaxes, putting his shoulders down. Then, in one swift movement, I bring my mouth crashing into his. He physically jumps and then relaxes, closing his eyes, kissing me back.  
When we pull away Peter gives me a look of distaste,  
“Did you mean that?”  
“Yes, dumbass.”

**Author's Note:**

> I realize Colossus doesn't show up a lot with Deadpool in the comics but fuck that, I think he's the perfect friend.
> 
> I also take [prompts](https://tadofno.tumblr.com/post/173907281212/prompts) on my Tumblr! I'll post them all here but they give me inspiration and are greatly appreciated.


End file.
